Posts Tagged Forgiveness
Ken and I attended a special meeting yesterday. I would identify it as a worship service—although we were drawn there because we’d been told a respected teacher would provide excellent teaching.
For the familiar reasons, we struggled with attending. 5:00 p.m. on Sunday afternoon is a good time to relax at home.
In the end, we went. And I’m don’t think I’ll ever be the same.
I hope not.
What was the life-changing message about? Well, part of it dealt with forgiving others. Part of it dealt with receiving forgiveness from God. Because it was about knowing God and receiving His grace—about knowing He loves, accepts, and forgives those with whom He has a relationship.
Oh, yes. Relationship was a major topic—because knowing God is more than knowing facts about Him or than having correct doctrines about Him. Knowing God involves interaction with Him.
But I could have told you all those things before we heard the message. I could have laid it all out systematically if asked to do so. And the speaker wasn’t systematic at all. He wound around, sharing not only his story but the stories of others as examples. All jumbled together.
He shared several Scripture passages, but I can’t tell you any of them today.
But as he meandered, the message somehow became Life. I not only heard and understood; I received the Holy Spirit in my inner being. Somehow, the Holy Spirit revealed and imparted and the Life of Christ.
To make sense of this—to explain why I needed this impartation—I’ll mention that I’ve struggled for several years, ever since we retired, with indefinable feelings of inadequacy and alienation that affected relationships with family and friends. I wanted to withdraw. At times I did withdraw. I wounded people, people I cared about.
I felt judged. From within because I felt guilty for not being able to respond the way I should have to others. And because I failed to meet reasonable expectations of others. And the more I failed, the deeper the despair. I knew that my failures—my sin, if you will—had caused schisms beyond repair. I felt family and friends could not forgive me. God was surely very disappointed, too.
The only thing left was operating without emotions.
Which only compounded matters.
I believe it was God’s grace that allowed me to begin bringing some of this up before a small group several months ago. (Because I was so desperate, I had begun attending a prayer group a few years ago—difficult because I knew and know so much about the Christian life. I can seemingly operate on a spiritual level while overcome by guilt, making it difficult to be transparent and honest before God and others.)
Meanwhile, in life outside the prayer group, I tried to extend love to a couple of people who are especially important to me on several occasions. Although I struggled during the processes—generally felt miserable, estranged—I believe the efforts were important.
And last night, as you might imagine I was uncomfortable as the speaker began.
He continued to probe deeper—to reveal more and more of human frailty and of God’ grace. I hope you won’t be surprised or disappointed when I tell you I cannot exactly explain what happened. I do know I was emotionally wasted and devastated.
And when it was over I was free.
Free from guilt.
My understanding of God’s grace somehow expanded. I realized that God was not surprised by my sin or my capacity for sin. He is not surprised by my failure to love with His love. He understands emotional weakness, and He accepts me and others just as we are. He receives us and loves us. By the end, I somehow knew God receives me, accepts me, loves me, and forgives me.
I went to sleep easily last night. And after waking up around 4:00, I easily returned to sleep.
Of course, there are thorny issues ahead: I can do nothing to change the past. Right now, at least, I have faith to believe I can live with the problems I’ve created, even with the wounds I inflicted. Because God’s grace will reach out to others. His grace can turn all things to good. And His grace is big enough to sustain me through the process.
I understand this faith will be challenged—and that my part will be limited to prayer, to hearing His voice, and to responding to His leading. There will be difficult times.
But truly, the grace that was big enough for this breakthrough will be big enough to sustain me during difficult times ahead. I cannot undo the damage my diseased soul wrought. But God set me free, and He can and will set others free as well.
If I try to remain in His grace, I’ll fail. But if I look to Him rather than to myself, His grace will continue to work on my behalf. I don’t expect it to actually be easy, but the hard part will not be self effort or working to make changes. It will be continuing to release my guilt, to receiving His forgiveness, and to move in others because He loves them.
I didn’t stand up during the call to ministry. I couldn’t. I was too overcome and remained glued to my seat. Nevertheless, transformation occurred. Something larger than mere understanding occurred. It would seem God’s Spirit penetrated my inner core, my heart. He wrought a new relationship between us.
Lord, I love You. I praise You. I come to You with joy. Because You love me. You welcome me. You desire to bless me even while I’m a sinner.
Praise Your Holy Name.
Take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (Eph. 6:11:”13)
During a prayer meeting we attended last week, a fellow shared a challenging prophetic message. I felt it was important at the time so I jotted down what I could, and stuck it in my Bible.
From there it went home where it was placed on a stack near my desk.
Tonight I’m feeling overwhelmed, faced by the need for internal and external resources I don’t have, feeling self-imposed pressure to make decisions that can wait. And we’re going on a short jaunt for a few days
Here’s the message I found when trying to organize that stack of papers:
Arm yourself with the Word, with prayer, with praise, and with the blood of Jesus.
Put on the armor to stand against the enemy.
Become an enforcer [in the Spirit]. Use your sword of the Spirit which is the Word of God.
Rise up and take your place. Take your righteousness.
Don’t be shy.
Don’t be ashamed.
Don’t be afraid.
Authority belongs to me and I’ve given it to you.
It’s your will.
It’s your choice.
It’s your move.
So move forward.
Do not retreat.
Do not draw back.
Go forward and the gates of hell will not prevail.
Now, I know this message could be criticized on several counts. But you don’t know the man and you didn’t hear it in context. He’s not suggesting God wants us to foolishly take on spiritual battles we aren’t ready for.
But God is calling His people to spiritual battle. The world needs Jesus. I need more of Jesus, you need more of Jesus, we all need more of Jesus. And we won’t receive Him as we need Him unless we put on God’s armor and do what He tells us to do.
I also know I’m not the only one who has heard a message, identified it as important, and then walked away. But I’m so glad God didn’t let me get away with it. He saved it for tonight—when I’d be too tired and vulnerable to set it aside again.
I initially remembered a verse. Proverbs 25:11 reads, A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver. If ever a word was fitly spoke, this one it. But there’s even danger when I revel a word—and savor it as a way of avoiding the bite
Don’t misunderstand. I’m not weighed down by condemnations by this message. In fact, I’m not as burdened as I was before it hit me.
The word convicted and liberated.
God knows how to deal with people that way.
And here’s the crazy thing: I don’t feel called to a specific function—I’m called to a different mindset.
There are times and there are times. And this is one of those times.
It is time to listen to the Spirit.
It is time to actively listen to the Spirit.
Add it’s embarrassing to acknowledge He’s saying this to me because I do hear Him—quite a bit.
I get messages now and then. God is my friend.
Yet He’s telling me to listen.
And I know it is time to hear His voice.
I know it. I feel it. He is calling me—and probably many others—to something different. Something new.
Do you feel it, too?
If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. (I Jn. 1:8,9 NLT)
I’d been saved several years when I went through a season I did not understand. God wasn’t speaking through His Word. I read it every morning, but nothing came to life. I felt bereft of spiritual insight. I wondered if I’d really been walking with God. Had my salvation been just an emotional gig? A literary adventure?
At the time, the possibility seemed plausible and frightening.
Then one morning, during my usual time in the Word, I read the verses above.
I read them differently than I’d read them before. Read them as a revelation. And I didn’t like the message. He somehow let me know He hadn’t shut the door on me.
No, I’d shut the door on Him when He asked me to forgive someone—and I’d ignored Him.
Of course, with my conscious mind I knew all along that I should love this difficult woman in our church. But it hadn’t become part of my inner response when He sent the gentle nudge my way.
And I hadn’t expected Him to be so sensitive. He hadn’t been in the past.
That morning God set a new standard for a new season: Love Me—Love my children. The two go together.
And as a mother, I understood. It’s so obvious, so simple. Why had I ignored His voice?
Something happened that day that’s happened more than once—or twice—or three times—or many times since. God seemed changed, different.
But He hadn’t changed and He wasn’t different.
I was changed and I was different. He had opened my heart to receive Him as I hadn’t received Him before.
Of course, it isn’t always easy to love, so the call to follow Him in love was and is ongoing. But that’s another post on another day. Suffice it to say here that if I truly understand His love for me—and His love for others—I can truly walk in love.
I know. It really makes no sense at all. I think, perhaps, that after salvation, loving others is one of God’s greatest miracles.
The point, however, is hearing Him when He reminds us to love. He’s the One who lets us know when we’re falling short.
Confessions can be positive or negative and, contrary to what some think, both can have value.
Based on Ruth 1:19-22, we see that when Naomi returned from Moab to Bethlehem, she didn’t try to pretend everything that had happened to her was good. And she made no claims for her future after her ten year absence. Rather, she confesses her great loss and her difficult circumstances.
But there’s always more. Additional Scriptures referred to include the story of the blind man found in John 9 and the story of the woman caught in adultery found in John 8.
In addition, Isaiah 30:18 offers understanding because it tells about this God who interacts with His people. To get the full benefit of the verse, read it alone and then read it within the context of the entire chapter.